Babies & Baseboards

Recently, a fellow "mom" said something to me that really kind of knocked the breath out of me. I shouldn't be so sensitive, I know, but in the daily struggle of motherhood, a bit of presumptive judgement from a "sister" in this sorority can really make one question her own capability and proficiency.

I'm just sayin'...I'm my worst critic. I really don't need anyone else to make me feel a little less than perfect, when I look at my cluttered countertops or when I must deal with a sassing son. I'm really pretty good at being hard on me. And I'm working on that. I'm working hard...

But in the past month and a half, my husband has been out of town nearly as much as he has been in town. I knew when I married him, 10 years ago, this would likely be the case and I'm equal to the task. However, these days we have quite a diverse bunch in this house and no family within 600 miles...and this can make even the most sane of women feel a bit desperate, when all she really wants is 5 minutes in the bathroom, without interruption.

So, these days, I'm afraid my aspirations of "Better Homes & Gardens" must be satisfied with "clean enough" and fresh produce from our local grocer. Seriously. My house is a bit of a disaster. Not filthy, but certainly more cluttered than I would like and my master bathroom is always the final frontier of my own housekeeping routine.

Truth? I wish I could get to a point where I'm OK with only having the laundry completely "done" (& put away) for 10 minutes, OR one bathroom clean, OR the vacuuming completed, OR a magazine cover-worthy kitchen. The days of my "Saturday Sweep" with the whole house getting cleaned in one day are long gone. At least for now. And I miss those marathon cleaning days. Because, at the end, after 8 or 9 hours of scrubbing & folding & vacuuming & organizing, I had a "new house" of which anyone could be proud. Sigh.

But hey, my kids are happy, well-fed and know Mama loves them. Anyone who judges me for the current condition of my house can just jump right off my "friend list" and into a lake.

I have no shame about putting my children above housekeeping...and I am blessed to have a husband who not only "gets" that, but encourages me in that endeavor. (AND he's not afraid to pick up the vacuum or a dish rag, himself, God bless him.) Evan & I have talked about this a lot, lately...about the fact that I struggle with guilt over the condition of our house, even though I "don't work." (HA! )

It is what it is, for now. It won't be this way, forever. It's not negligence...rather, it is a conscious decision to spend the hours that I have to exercise, prepare good food for my children and to spend quality time with them, while I have them here, with me. Slowly...ever soooo slowly, I am changing my focus.

Before my feet have hit the floor in the morning, for the past couple of weeks, I have prayed for grace. Grace to focus on the needs of my children & not my own need to achieve someone else's definition of domestic perfection. It is a conscious, daily surrender.

Do I park Landry in front of the computer & Eliza in her chair, with Cheerios occasionally, so I can clean up the kitchen or get a shower or clean a bathroom?

Yes.

Am I worried about others thinking I am less of a capable, intelligent, juggler, because my blinds haven't been dusted in 3 weeks or I have pug hair on my kitchen rug or I still have papers from last weeks MOPS meeting on my bedroom floor?

Not so much.

Girls, please be kind to one another. None of us knows what trenches the others are trudging through...or the wounds they have sustained, as a result. We need to throw down a lifeline of encouragement, not toss in a grenade. And sometimes we need to jump into the trenches & just be there with someone who can't see through the haze of tantrums & diapers & babies & baseboards.

Heck, if you can get it all done AND have happy, well-adjusted kids who are secure in their parents' love for them, more power to you. In fact, please send me a message & let me know how you do it. Seriously. I am teaching my children to "pitch in" & help, as they are able. But right now, I'm still figuring out how to juggle a teen who is now driving independently, a 4 year-old who has a bigger imagination than I do, a 10 month-old who wants desperately to walk & climb & explore, 2 pugs, a business that is run primarily out of our home and a husband who travels more than we all would like.

In the blink of an eye, my husband & I will be staring an empty nest in the face & none of our children will care if the baseboards were clean on May 15, 2010.

So, on this rainy Saturday, I'm choosing my babies over the baseboards.

And in the spirit of transparency & brutal honesty, I am posting pictures. Yep. Here it is: Reality. These are for you, Noelle & Camille & all of my other girlfriends whose homes are just a little less than "perfect." No judgement, people. No judgement.

You will notice the greenery in the upper right corner...I actually took this one, back in February. This is a "winter garland" that I put up in late October and then embellish for Christmas. I always take it down in February.

The broiler pan? From dinner, the night before. And yes, that is a mop...evidence that I did mop the kitchen floor. I just hadn't taken it out to the garage, yet. The brown bag is full of recycling. "Doing my part" does cause clutter.

And speaking of clutter...MAIL DRIVES ME CRAZY.

This...

This is just a couple of loads of laundry which landed on the counter of the hall bathroom (in which the "laundry closet" is located). I hate matching socks. (which is why you see the pile of teeny tiny ones, on top of the pantry) You will note some of it is folded, but much of it is not. Sigh. I am in a perpetual state of laundry...

This is the dining room table. We actually do eat at this table...but on this particular day, it is holding a monitor that died, my grocery bags, a puzzle which is missing a piece and baskets of toys which could serve as a choking hazard for my baby. But hey, the fruit bowl is empty, which means we ate the fruit!

My house doesn't always look like this. And even if it does, you can rest assured it is not out of laziness. This Mom works full-time to see smiles on these faces...smiles that come from making blanket tents in the living room and having laundry basket races, around the kitchen island.

They are growing up soooo fast...

The baseboards can wait.