Junk in my trunk? Try, my airbags have deployed and are not going back to original form

Too much "Junk in my trunk?" How about my airbags have deployed and are not going back to their original form. WOW! I've always heard how your body changes after childbirth but I had no idea. So if it looks good on Kim Kardashien how come I can't pull it off?

I keep asking my husband if Santa brings breast lifts to good Mommies. Can we just be Frank for a second? If your husband's personal parts were sagging or not in original form they would do whatever it takes to "rejuvenate" them. Right?
You hear all these mothers say they really are in touch with their bodies after childbirth and there's a new sense of being a woman with these changes. Well let me be the one to tell you they are on illegal street drugs. Don't let them fool you. My sister calls it being a science project. I myself just feel like a circus act at time. "Watch what I can do with this!"

I look at the women I know who have had children before me. The ones that show up in the carpool line with full hair and make up. I'm just jealous they have brushed teeth let alone makeup. What planet are they from? Why didn't they tell me what really was going to happen? I can say there are no regrets with the trade I made for my thin thighs and tight buns. These children are amazing.

Just a note of encouragment for those out there. If you're a mother that is perpetually wearing her "workout outfit with ball cap" to look like she's going to the gym but you're really just going to WalMart, you're not alone. One day we'll get it back. One day we won't be crawling on the floors with our little ones and having some sort of mystery something on our shirt and claim it's just yogurt. I know I will secretly miss this craziness though. Going to crazy thing together will make you closer. Think how close I will be to my children who are just now 2 and turning 1 next week.

Those days that you feel like a story on TLC, well ladies you're not alone. One thing is for sure I can work on down sizing the junk in my trunk but I'm pretty sure the airbags being deployed it will take expertise of a mechanic. I'm just thankful I don't live in South Beach and have to grocery shop in my bikini.